Sarah? Yes? No? What’s going on? These are questions I get quite frequently as people can see my wheels turning awaiting my response. Trying to explain what is happening in my brain during this period of time feels silly, but I contemplate the best response for so long that it gets awkward.
Sarah? Yes? No? What’s going on?
These are questions I get quite frequently as people can see my wheels turning awaiting my response. Trying to explain what is happening in my brain during this period of time feels silly, but I contemplate the best response for so long that it gets awkward. I fear saying the wrong thing, so much so that I tend to deflect. I have been infamous for turning the tables and asking others their thoughts before I share my own.
Someone that is viewed as exuding so much confidence is often at a loss for words.
When I try to put this into words, I’m often met with, but you always know what to say or stop caring about what other people think when in reality I don’t believe that it is others who scare me more than myself. I want the right thing to come out so bad just so that I have the relief of not thinking about it later.
Something that most people view as over when it ends, I view it as over when I am satisfied (which is hardly ever). I find myself apologizing for this often, but most people aren’t upset with me, rather they are just interested in what I have to say.
Someone close to me reminds me constantly that they wouldn’t ask if they didn’t want to know and they encourage me to attempt to view these interactions more positively. I get flustered and fear that if I say the wrong thing or say no that whoever is talking to me will rule me out when the topic is brought up at another time. I don’t want the people around me to think that I am a stick in the mud, but I also have to look out for my own wants and needs. I’ve come to the realization recently that I am more of a homebody than I originally thought. I would describe myself as loving talking to people, loving being out and about with the people I love, and even loving meeting new people. However, I am learning that I appreciate a heads up before these scenarios, I actually encounter a bit of a social battery, and setting boundaries in these settings would allow me to feel less anxious when the times to be social arise.
I am learning how to be quicker on my feet and talk more with ease rather than fretting over every word. I love to talk, most people close to me say I never stop, but they do notice how often I freeze and that typically is associated with questions. I don’t want to regret my answer, I do not want to upset others, and I want to be a person that people can turn to which translates to me putting huge burdens on myself.
I am working on being more decisive, more spontaneous, more self-aware, and more direct so that I can stop giving people this blank stare.
