A lot of us have taken a love language quiz before, maybe you’ve read an article, or maybe even just talked about it with your friends; either way, it is definitely not a foreign concept to most. I find them incredibly fascinating, and I am especially interested in how one has received love previously can impact how they show love in the future.
A lot of us have taken a love language quiz before, maybe you’ve read an article, or maybe even just talked about it with your friends; either way, it is definitely not a foreign concept to most. I find them incredibly fascinating, and I am especially interested in how one has received love previously can impact how they show love in the future. Despite my intrigue, I find it hard to get past how I show love and actually implement it into my own life to understand how others love me. I find myself often feeling undervalued and underappreciated by those around me, but I constantly fail to look further and to really immerse myself into the brain of others.
My brain associates words and touch with love. I feel that if someone is around me and doesn’t want to be near me than they must be upset with me. I feel that if someone spends time with me and doesn’t tell me that they had a nice time, than they must have rather been with someone else. I associate quality time with a deep talk or a good hug which ultimately leaves me feeling accomplished in my interactions. And while this may all be wonderful for others around me to know about me and how I show love, it is not fair for me to put my preferences onto other people. I am constantly disappointed if someone doesn’t show me love in a way that aligns with my brain’s viewpoint on love, but I am trying to recognize when others are trying to show me their version and doing what they feel is equal to love in their brain.
While I think it is healthy to come to this conclusion for the sake of my own sanity and the progress of my own friendships and relationships, I would also like to stress how important it is to inquire what the love languages of the people are around you and who you spend the most time with and ultimately compromise. Healthy relationships make compromises often and are on both sides of friendships and relationships. For example, if one of my friends has a love language of acts of service and ranks physical touch lower, it wouldn’t carry the same weight in their brain if I hugged them rather than if I helped them clean up when I know they have a stressful evening. People appreciate when you take the time to get to know them and learn them which is one of the most sincere and genuine things you can do to positively impact your relationships. Even though in the previous scenario I would feel loved after a hug, I need to respect that the opposite person may find it aggravating and being touched is the last thing that would calm their stress.
I am making it a goal of mine and have for a while to learn more about the people around me and cater to their love languages to build strong relationships, but being an overthinker can put a huge damper on this process. I will often become upset that others do not take the time to learn me and cater to my love languages rather it feels that most times my feelings aren’t considered in the minds of others. This can lead me down a path of spiraling thoughts such as they are mad at me, they don’t care about me, they don’t love me, etc. Because of these thoughts, I tend to be embarrassed or frustrated about having to tell the people around me how to love me. I want other people to match my energy, but this is a friendly reminder to myself and anyone reading that people aren’t mind readers and the majority of the time people are not trying to hurt your feelings.
We need to open up communication within our relationships and better communicate our emotions and needs.
Happy talking!
If anyone is interested, here is a love language test that I have taken before. Encourage your friends and partners to take it for an uplifting, knowledgeable, bonding experience.
Source: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
